Tribute to Black History--pt 1

We Must Love Ourselves—The Solution for a Post-Modern Civil Rights Era
by Anita S. Lane

Prior to the advancements made by the civil rights movement of the 1950s and 60s, the black community suffered under severe and oppressive racism that made it very difficult to fully express one’s self and function freely in American society. Some of the external forces that permitted such oppression still exist in the hearts of men today, yet I believe that we in the black community must come to terms with the fact that the most oppressive inhibitor now exists within.

The modern civil rights movement brought the segregation walls down. This was a very necessary action to ensure all Americans the right to vote and access to houses, jobs and universities. Yet when the walls came down our focus as a community should have shifted inward. What do we need to do now to ensure that we are able to take full advantage of the opportunities before us? How do we deal with the lingering inner oppressive forces that are the result of centuries of external oppression that now work against us to keep us from excelling even after the segregation walls have been brought down?

Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., following the example of the nonviolent model of Jesus Christ, taught us to love our enemies. Today, our most powerful enemy is the enemy within, and the only conqueror to this enemy is love.

I believe Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. would pain inside to see that after the incredible amount sacrifice the black community endured to persist in the nonviolent movement, today we are the largest perpetrators of violence and the majority of that violence we inflict on one another.

Can we take the words of the nonviolent leaders and use the example of the nonviolent movement and lift the oppression that exists within the black community today? It’s been said that change occurs only when an oppressed people “find their voice.” Can we find our voice within in the words, “we must love ourselves?” As rudimentary as this may sound, until we truly love ourselves, we will not cease to destroy ourselves, and we will keep ourselves from living the glorious lives that God has intended for each of us.

Can we in the black community boycott the hate, march against the blame game and hold a sit-in at the local churches to hear our preachers pour the message of love into our hearts?

God’s word tells us that love will cover the multitude of sins (I Peter 4:8). It is this kind of unconditional, enduring love that will enable us to embrace our strengths, rise above external opposing forces, conquer our fears, overcome our failures, grow beyond our limitations and lead the lives purposed for us. No one and nothing else can do this for us. It must begin from within. We must find our voice and change our destiny. We must truly love ourselves.

Copyright ©2005 by Anita S. Lane

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Secular Humanism: Slowly Becoming America’s National Religion?

by Anita S. Lane

I’ve heard the arguments. They are compelling and reasonable. We cannot endorse one religion unless we are willing to endorse them all. Hence, can you imagine the front lawn of City Hall covered with thirty different religious symbols and displays during the Winter Solstice season?—the holiday I call Christmas.

How about removing all postings of the Ten Commandments from all court houses throughout the country—including the Ten Commandments engraved in stone above the United States Supreme Court. We could do this. However, let’s consider the civility of this action.

The First Amendment of the United States Constitution states that:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

But does this amendment mean that there can be no expression of faith in the public square? My reading does not render that interpretation. Nor do I think our forefathers read the amendment that way. Based on these words we see that the constitution forbids the government from establishing a national religion as well as from prohibiting us from freely exercising our religion.

Our forefathers were not afraid of the role and significance of faith—unlike the many secularists in today’s culture. Consider the fact that Moses is included among the great lawgivers in the sculpture relief on the east portico of the Supreme Court. Furthermore, each Supreme Court Session begins with the invocation, "God save the United States and this honorable court."

Okay, so you say, “that’s just tradition…” Well, that’s just my point. Certain traditions and “religious” symbols simply reflect our heritage as a nation. Remembering heritage is imperative—whether good or bad. That’s why we have museums that remind us of American slavery. It’s also why some folks want to maintain their confederate flag. It’s our roots…and it has molded us into who we are today.

Today, however, we have secular humanists who insist that anything remotely sacred or religious is somehow an imposition on their right to not be religious. I contend that their push to secularize everything is an imposition on my right to be “religious.”

Now Secular Humanists do not consider themselves an organized religion but rather an organized philosophical system—primarily because there is no deity-worship involved. Yet one definition of religion according to the American Heritage Dictionary is, “A cause, principle, or activity pursued with zeal or conscientious devotion.”

Thus, we can safely say that religion is not confined to a weekly liturgy or worship of a deity. The highly organized set of principles laid out in the “Affirmations of Humanism: A Statement of Principles,” is akin to one’s “Statement of Faith” posted in the halls of any given religious institution.

The definition of secularism is “the view that religious considerations should be excluded from civil affairs or public education, yet the United States Constitution does not require such a separate and “secular” government. It only requires that the government not establish a national religion. However, if the precedent set by recent court rulings continues and all levels of government are forced to enforce these rulings, I fear we will have established a national religion—a national religion of Secular Humanism.

My question to the secular humanist is this: Just how is one expected to exclude religious considerations from civil affairs and public education when the very individuals involved in civil affairs and public education are people of faith—among others? The laws and institutions of the United States reflect the people of the United States. And most people in this country have a core religious faith from which they cannot simply separate themselves nor ignore when forming opinions and making decisions.

My words to the secular humanist are these: a nation truly free of a national religion would allow free discusion of religion in a school setting--or Bible, Torah or Koran reading during a student's "free reading time" as long as it was initiated by the student and not the teacher. In homogeneous communities, if a student wants to offer a prayer and no one dissents, it should be allowed. The point is not to force a particular religion on anyone—nor to prevent the free expression thereof. However, it appears as though America is headed toward the prohibition of all forms of religious expression.

Once we come to the point where one can be jailed, fined, disciplined or reprimanded for expressing their religious beliefs in public or private setting, our nation has seriously veered from the constitution. In an attempt to erect a “wall of seperation between church and state” the nation will have wrongly constructed an even larger wall of Secular Humanism to prohibit the inclusion and participation of people of faith.

The United States is one nation of many people of many religions and ideologies. Individuals in our public institutions, schools and workplaces should all be allowed to freely express or not express themselves in public or private without fear of reprimand.

To expect government to adopt the secular humanist position is not only unconstitutional but unrealistic. For as long as there are people of faith, there will be expressions of faith both in the public and private sector. America is a pluralistic society with Judeo-Christian roots. Accept it. America should not be forced to deny or ignore its heritage.

Copyright ©2005 by Anita S. Lane

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No Potty Breaks Allowed

by Anita S. Lane

It was our son’s first birthday. I felt blessed. He’d made it through a whole entire year— nothing to take lightly. I was planning a small family celebration with party hats, balloons and cupcakes to commemorate his special day.

All was well—apart from the fact that this day came on the heels of a major pipe burst in our basement. The broken pipe left both sides of the kitchen sink unusable and a considerable amount of dirty water on our new basement carpet. So I spent the early hours of the morning of my son’s first birthday picking up every conceivable item off the floor of the basement and family room to make way for the carpet cleaner’s arrival between 8 and 9 a.m. After picking up, washing a load of clothes, dressing and feeding the children, combing my daughter’s hair, and facilitating the carpet cleaning, it was time to set up for the gathering.

I tied the helium balloons to his high chair and moved the chair to the dining room. I placed the party hats, plates and cupcakes on the table. Now was my chance to take a moment to make myself presentable. I took a potty break.

Within a moment into my ascent up the stairs to the bathroom my five year-old daughter yells, “Mommy! Mommy! The baby pulled the cupcakes off the table and they are all over the floor!” In my attempt to remain calm I said, “Just pick them up and put them back on the table.” Another moment passed and my daughter yells, “Mommy, it’s all over the place!” I said to myself, “Maybe it’s not as bad as it sounds. She may have exaggerated some.” Then I had a visual image of what might have taken place.

The weaker part of me wanted to have a melt-down. “I’m not going to cry,” I told myself. I was really tired—not to mention eight months pregnant—and I couldn’t fathom a setback of that magnitude.

I gained my composure (although I was still not yet physically presentable) and headed downstairs. Yes, it was as bad as I thought. My three children were sitting on the beige, carpeted dining room floor along with twelve smashed chocolate cupcakes. The birthday boy was covered in chocolate icing from top to bottom. The carpet was a mess.

For what happened next I must give God the glory. “Put your party hats on!” I said. Then I grabbed my camera. “Say cheese,” I said as I snapped a few photos of the party that had apparently started with out me. I guess my idea of fun and a one year-old’s idea of fun are completely different.

Right about this time Grandma and Papa arrived. They took one look at the mess and one look at me (I guess I must have looked a mess too) and said, “We’ll clean it up.” Then I once again ascended to the bathroom to make myself presentable.

We had a great little celebration. Looking back, my son’s cupcake debacle ensures his first birthday will be a memorable one. And if I’m honest, it wasn’t really his fault. I left the cupcakes on the table—apparently within his reach. And once again, I was the one who left to go to the bathroom. As a mother of young children, I should have known better—as necessary and important as they may be, there are no potty breaks allowed!

Copyright ©2005 by Anita S. Lane

How to Have a Baby on the Weekend

by Anita S. Lane

It was a very familiar scene. Eight of my closest family members huddled in the birthing room celebrating the birth of my fourth child. “This is a tradition,” my stepmother said. “We wouldn’t miss this,” she said referring to visiting me while in the hospital and posing for the traditional photo of me holding the baby and the family gathered around the bed.

As we all “oohed and aahed” over the baby my stepmother went on to say, “Just how do you manage to always have your babies on the weekend?” We all thought about it for a moment and she was right. My first baby was born on a Friday night, my second on a Sunday afternoon, and my fourth on a Saturday night. My third was born on a Monday but it felt like a weekend because it was three days before Christmas during “Christmas break.” Nice and convenient for everyone, uh?

We chuckled at this coincidence and then I said, “Maybe I could write a book telling other moms how to plan to have their babies on the weekend and make a bunch of money.” We all laughed. But you’re reading this article aren’t you?

Each year there are over 2,000 self-help books published world-wide. How to Have a Baby on the Weekend: Plan how to give birth when it’s convenient for you and your family, could be one more resource for moms and dads looking for ways to help improve the quality and convenience of their lives. And the amazing thing is—somebody—if not many people, would buy the book.

Common sense tells us that there is no way one can really plan (accept by planned cesarean) which day of the week a woman will give birth, yet as bright, self-aware individuals we’re often enticed by the possibility that we might actually be able to outsmart the forces of nature—not to mention the divine will of God.

However, we must be honest with ourselves. There are some things that we simply cannot control. No matter how many self-help books we read we cannot undo the fact that life happens. Accidents happen, people become ill, you may lose your job, and a loved one may even lose his or her life. Yet the most we can do is respond in a healthy manner.

If something you really want to happen in your life doesn’t happen, know that it is ultimately okay. As long as you’re breathing, life goes on and you can continue to make the best of each day, improving yourself and doing right by the things over which you do have control. That’s the most anyone can do—and with that attitude, you just might have your baby on the weekend.

Copyright ©2005 by Anita S. Lane

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Resolve to Thrive in 2005!

by Anita S. Lane

It’s that time of year again—time for reflection and goal-setting—time to determine what we can do to make this year better than the last.

If you’re like me, your list of resolutions might include the all-too-familiar, eat right, exercise more, lose weight, spend more time in God’s Word, put more money aside, better manage my time, etc.

But what many of us often overlook is our family life. We want a thriving career or business and we set goals and make strides to deliver on these goals. But do we make a resolution to have a thriving family? A family that really knows one another, cares for one another deeply, enjoys one another’s company, and supports one another’s endeavors? As a parent are you tending to your child’s spiritual, emotional, social and physical needs? This doesn’t happen “on the fly.” To do this takes a concerted effort, prayer and discipline. Hence, goal setting, benchmarks, time and effort.

In America today, 34% of girls will get pregnant at least once by the age of 20. 53% of 12th grade students have used illicit drugs. Nine million children between the ages of 6 and 18 are now obese—an all-time high. 46% of all 9-12th grade students have had sexual intercourse. The divorce rate among born-again Christians is 35%-- identical to that of married adults who are not born again. And in Detroit, about 35% of Detroit students don’t graduate. Thus, it is imperative that we take a moment to take stock of the health of our family life. Is your family first after God? Or is your family way down the list of priorities after church, work, and other obligations?

This year, consider including goals like, eat more family meals together, have family devotions once a week, set aside a monthly date night with your spouse, spend quality one-on-one time with each child.

There are some things in life that come along only once and we only get one shot at getting it right. And that’s family. If you’re reading this and you have a spouse and children at home, take out your pen and prepare to write. If 2004 was a great year for the overall health of your family, congratulations! But if you sense that your family life has fallen short in some areas, take comfort that God’s mercies are new every morning! So resolve to thrive in 2005!

Copyright ©2005 by Anita S. Lane

This Christmas, Renew Your Faith and Rekindle the Christmas Story

by Anita S. Lane

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! It’s also the perfect time to share with others why the birth of Christ is significant to us as Christians. At a time in American Society when “Merry Christmas” is being eliminated as a greeting and replaced with “Happy Holidays” or “Seasons Greetings,” it’s important that we let our light shine.

Allow me to remind you why we celebrate this holiday…Just over 2000 years ago, before there were silver bells and mistletoe, there was a baby born in the town of Bethlehem. He was conceived of the Holy Spirit by a virgin. He was born in a manager because there was no room in any of the local inns. His birth was so special that a star in the sky led the way to Him. Wise men traveled from the east bringing the Jesus child priceless gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Shepherd boys came to witness first hand what had been told to them by an angel and returned to their lands rejoicing, praising God, and sharing the good news with everyone along their path. Herod the King was curious about this new King of the Jews and sought to destroy Him.

Why all the fuss over a little baby boy? He wasn’t just any baby boy. The angel declared to Mary and Joseph that He would be called the Son of God. His name would be Jesus, for “He shall save His people from their sins,” and “of His kingdom there will be no end.” All these were pretty powerful statements concerning a baby born in a manger.

But this was the way God intended it. You see, a long time ago God our Heavenly Father and creator of the universe wanted a family—offspring that was created in His image with whom He could fellowship. But when Adam and Eve disobeyed and betrayed God in the Garden of Eden, the tight-knit fellowship they had with God was broken. Their sin put a wedge in the relationship that would have to be restored if God were to once again enjoy the level of intimacy He had with His children.

More than anything, God wanted to redeem His children. Yet under the law God had established, forgiveness of sin required a pure and holy sacrifice. So God created the perfect plan. He would offer up His only begotten Son—fully God, yet fully man.

Jesus was not only born miraculously, but He lived a miraculous life. He walked this earth fulfilling to-the-letter, over 300 prophecies. He lived a sin-free life in constant communion with our Heavenly Father. He went about His life doing good—bringing healing and restoration to all those who were broken-hearted and “poor” or lacking—in spirit, in health, and in wealth. He didn’t live for Himself but lived a life dedicated to His God-given purpose. “For this purpose was the Son of God manifested; that He might destroy the works of the evil one.” And that’s what Jesus did. (I John 3:8)

When the innocent man Jesus was crucified on the cross even the earth shook in response. The sky darkened and the rocks rent. Jesus descended to hell but couldn’t stay because He was blameless—thus defeating, death, Satan and the grave. Three days later Jesus ascended to Heaven to once again be with His Heavenly Father. “Mission accomplished!” Jesus was the pure and holy sacrifice needed to restore God’s children to Himself. Now God can again enjoy the intimacy He once knew with His children if we just believe.

You see, salvation like everything else in this life is really not “about us” it’s about God. God created us and loves us so dearly that He arranged to pay the price so that we could be redeemed. Because of Jesus we have life that is abundant, joy that is unspeakable and peace that passes all understanding. We have assurance of our salvation, life worth living and power to overcome evil. We have the power to live as Jesus lived—compassionately and sacrificially. Mark 6:34 tells us that when Jesus saw the multitude, He was “moved with compassion toward them because they were as sheep not having a shepherd: and He began to teach them many things.” Jesus lived His life to help others find their purpose and their way back to God. We are to do the same.

So why should we be excited and eager to share the good news of Christ’s birth? Because truly his birth, life, death and resurrection is one incredible Christmas story that truly needs to be told. Never on the face of the earth was there a man who was born of a virgin, lived a life of miracles, crucified to death, resurrected and still alive today. In no other religion is there a “savior,” “prophet,” or “religious leader” whose remains are not in a grave or tomb somewhere.

So when someone asks you, or if you choose to volunteer “why you celebrate Christmas,” perhaps you can quote John 3:16 with renewed meaning and depth. For it most certainly is true—“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

May these words have renewed meaning for you and life-transforming power to those who hear and believe for the first time.

Merry Christmas!

Copyright ©2004 by Anita S. Lane

Untidy House? You May be the Victim of Magnet Syndrome

by Anita S. Lane

Without warning, a strange phenomenon is occurring in your home. Your personal items are turning up in the most bizarre places. You discover your keys in the clothes hamper. Your mobile phone finds its way into the trash can. Your baby’s bottles are vanishing. The video tapes you tucked neatly under the entertainment center are disappearing and magically reappearing in odd places all across the first floor of your home. If these things are happening to you, you may be the victim of magnet syndrome.

The American Heritage dictionary defines “syndrome” as “a complex of symptoms indicating the existence of an undesirable condition or quality.” If you’ve experienced any of the symptoms I’ve described above there is a great possibility that you may also have the undesirable condition of an untidy home. Blame it on the “Magnet.”

I currently have an 11 month-old magnet named Daniel. Yet I guess it’s unfair to single him out because each child of mine was a magnet between the stage of crawling and age two.

If I may refresh your memory, an ordinary magnet is an “object that is surrounded by a magnetic field and that has the property, either natural or induced, of attracting iron or steel.” Well, my child—and perhaps yours too—is actually a super magnet whose magnetic field attracts not only iron and steel, but plastic, cloth, aluminum, and just about anything his little hands can carry. Did I mention I found an ink pen in the VCR?

Now I am not a clean freak. However, I believe in being neat. And my mother raised me to live out the expression “everything has its place.” So since keeping my house squeaky clean isn’t a very attainable goal for me right now, it is sometimes frustrating that I can’t even keep things as neat as I’d like.

If you don’t have children you may not understand the complexity of the magnet syndrome. It requires constant picking up, putting away, reorganizing, and the ultimate—search and rescue mission. “Okay, everybody, let’s find the baby’s pacifier!” Magnet syndrome requires as much energy by the adults in the home as it does the Magnet perpetrator. The only difference is the Magnet doesn’t need energy for much else. I have to perform magnet patrol as well as cook, clean, wash, feed, bathe, clothe, change diapers, etc. Plan on stopping over for an unexpected visit? Please give me 20 minutes notice!

So what’s the solution? If you are certain that you are a victim of magnet syndrome, try this five-step program: 1) Repeat after me, “It’s not my fault.” It took me a while to admit that my short-comings as a person weren’t to blame for infant shoes in the diaper caddy; 2) Expect to perform—and build in time for—magnet patrol as part of your daily duties. Unless you’re able to put your entire home on lock-down and have no loose parts, your little Magnet will transfer items from one place to another in your home—the problem is you never know where the items may end up. So create “clean up breaks” every couple of hours or so to avoid the dreaded mass clean up before bed time; 3) Get the entire family involved in magnet patrol. I’ve trained my five and three year-olds to stay on the look out for misplaced items and put them back in their place. They know they are responsible for helping clean up their baby brother’s mess; 4) Make sure none of the loose items in your home are particularly harmful—or at least toxic. Granted, just about anything can be harmful if used the wrong way, but make sure the toxins are locked away or better yet, eliminated from your home all together; and 5) Learn to enjoy your little magnet. My Magnet just loves being able to grasp objects, study them and walk them to another, more desirable location. It’s one of the signs that he’s growing up and it makes him proud. He’ll snatch up your empty mug and smile all the way to the toy box. So, relax. Take it easy and get that camera ready. You’re bound to capture a “Kodak moment.”

Copyright ©2004 by Anita S. Lane

No Time for Cookies

by Anita S. Lane

We used to make. Now we just bake.

I recently saw a commercial with the image of a loving mother and child cuddled around the oven placing pre-made, pre-cut holiday cookies on a baking sheet. The voiceover makes the statement, “it's not about baking cookies, it's about creating holiday memories.”

That’s true. Holiday cookies are a special part of the holiday season. But whatever happened to flour, sugar, eggs and mixing bowls? I guess the end result is the same, but for some reason I was particularly struck by imagery in this commercial. I don’t know why. After all, I use pre-made cookie dough all the time.

Yet for some reason I felt slightly convicted while watching this commercial. Sure, the experience for mom and child was probably warm & fuzzy and it was quality time—all five minutes of it. However, I began to think of all the lessons my children miss out on when I don’t take the time to make—not just bake, cookies.

Making cookies from scratch is an opportunity to practice valuable life skills with a child—assembling ingredients, reading, counting, measuring, mixing, as well as patience—because it takes longer than the five minutes it takes to place pre-cut cookies on a baking sheet.

So why don’t we take the time to bake cookies from scratch? I’m concerned that not only are most of us too busy, but we no longer see the value in investing that sort of quality time with our children. After helping with homework, there’s not much “quality time” to go around, right?

Maybe. But this holiday season let’s give it a try. Dust off the mixer, pull out the aprons, and take a little extra time to make some special holiday cookies—or even a cake! It may not become an every week affair, but you just might rekindle the joy that comes from baking from scratch—the kind of joy we experienced while baking with our moms and grandmas. Remember licking the bowl? You’ll enjoy a little extra quality time and create lasting memories for your children as well—the kind of memories you only get when you take the time to make, and not just bake.

Copyright ©2004 by Anita S. Lane

Our Children Need Us to Highlight Real Priorities

by Anita S. Lane

While on a recent visit to the hair salon, a mother requested to have the heat turned down on her son’s hair dryer. “It’s hot, but I also think it’s the fumes. He has very bad allergies,” she said. I glanced over at the boy sitting uneasily on a stack of yellow pages under the adult sized hair dryer. “Fumes?” I thought to myself. What could they possibly be doing to this child’s hair? And how old is he?

Well as it turned out, the boy was nine years old and he was having his hair professionally cut and highlighted. Not to mention he was at the same salon I struggle to get to in regular intervals.

Maybe it’s a sign of the times or just a sign of my age—but I recall being in high school before requesting highlights—and even then, they came in a box. But this was a boy. A very young boy, demanding to look like those spike-haired, highlighted boy band members—perhaps to impress his fourth grade female friends. Wait, do boys even like girls at that age?

Nevertheless, I asked the mom whose idea it was and she said, “his.” She must have seen the dumbfounded expression on my face. She then said, “I look at it this way. It’s better that he care than not care at all.” It took me a moment but I think I got it. She meant it is better that he care about his hair and appearance than not care at all as is the case with some boys.

Excuse me for being old fashioned, but since when is it important for a nine year old boy to care that much for his hair and appearance? Especially to the extent that it requires his mother to voluntarily agitate his “bad” allergies as well as spend the family’s hard-earned dollars at a salon. And unless my hair stylist offers “kiddie rates” this boy’s mom kicked out about 100 bucks for his ‘do.’

Only time will tell what the future has for me, but it is my prayer that between school work, sports and family obligations that my three boys won’t have time for color treatments. And I really hope it just won’t be a priority for them.

However, I realize that we become what we see—just like we are what we eat. And it’s apparent the young boy at the salon has seen more than his share of images in pop culture that portray “cool” boys as those who color their hair.

I’m not opposed to hair coloring. I like my own hair highlighted. Yet somehow I can’t help but think we as parents must focus our time and energy on building the self esteem of our youngsters and affirming that their hair is perfect the way it is—in addition to trying to limit their over-exposure to popular media images.

This nine year-old boy has not even reached his pre-teen and teen years when puberty and self expression are in full bloom. What happens when he asks for colored contacts, regular visits to the tanning salon or even a little cosmetic surgery?

It’s important that we teach our children the value of accepting themselves for who God made them. They must know that God made them, loves them, and they are “just right” just the way they are. At some point, our children must learn to care more about God and their parents’ opinions of them than even their peers. And that value will only come when we as parents exert the time, energy and effort required to highlight life’s real priorities—and not just their hair.

Copyright ©2004 by Anita S. Lane

The Universal Perils of Pregnancy

by Anita S. Lane

If you’ve ever given birth to a child, you’ll probably identify with what I’m going to say. However you may be one of those pregnant ladies who loved every aspect of pregnancy and floated through with a glow on your face and pep in your wobbling step. But it was never like that for me. After discovering I was pregnant the very first time with our first child, the elation eventually wore off—yielding to the term I’ve dubbed the “perils of pregnancy.”

It’s probably sacrilegious to refer to anything related to the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth as “perilous,” but that’s just how I honestly feel sometimes.

By the time my eighth month rolls around, I find myself experiencing anew the challenges I’d experienced in each of my other pregnancies and saying—as though I’ve totally forgotten—“what’s going on with me?” Fortunately I have a very understanding husband. Now that I’m pregnant with our fourth child he reminds me of what I can expect. “Honey, you went through this the last time too. Just take it easy. Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he says.

Maybe the first trip to the OBGYN should include a note from the physician that says, “Warning! Pregnancy may include the following side effects/risks, including but not limited to: headaches, nausea, exhaustion, changes in taste buds, leg cramps, unusual cravings, round ligament pain, clumsiness, lower backaches, an aversion to stairs and the inability to tie one’s shoe.”

These things may seem minor. However, as the months progress I find myself increasingly frustrated with the little things are no longer little anymore. Staying awake and alert all day is one. Attempting to accomplish my daily to-do list is almost futile. I find myself thinking about all the things I want to do more than actually doing them.

And how about a simple trip to the grocery store? Well, it’s not so simple anymore when I have to stop and spend 15 minutes in the bathroom with my five, three and 11 month-old as well as walk the long isles of the new vast grocery “malls” Americans are so enamored with. By the time I finish shopping I’m ready to soak my feet and head for bed. My legs are tired, my back is hurting and my uterus feels like it is going to just fall from under me. But it’s not over yet, I still have to get all those groceries in and out of the car and into the house and put away while the baby waddles behind me crying for me to pick him up. Make that my last trip to the store for a full set of groceries until after the new baby! “You just give me the list. I’ll go,” my husband said in response to my agony.

While I pity myself over the little things I find a little comfort in the fact that it’s not just the obscure stay-at-home-mom dealing with these challenges. I recently saw Oscar award-winning actress, Catherine Zeta Jones in an interview attesting to the same challenges. “I couldn’t even tie my own shoe,” she says. “Honey, can you roll me over?” She says to husband-actor Michael Douglas. “And all I could see were these big jugs,” she goes on to say. Not to mention she gained 50 pounds. But she looks great. My 50 are still with me.

Nevertheless, I realize that what I experience everyday during these last waning moments of pregnancy is universal to women everywhere. While I may not enjoy every aspect of the journey I find comfort in that the journey will come to completion with a beautiful precious bundle whom I will love and cherish forever. And soon I will have once again forgotten all about the little inconveniences I experienced as a pregnant woman and look with joy upon my God-given precious gift.

Copyright ©2004 by Anita S. Lane

A Lesson in Southern Hospitality!

by Anita S. Lane

I know the South has its history. But on a recent trip to my husband’s family homestead in a small town in southern Georgia, I saw none of the dark side I’ve read and heard about in times past. I was struck by the common courtesy and pleasantries extended by most everyone we encountered.

Our first stop inside the Peach Tree state was at the Waffle House—my favorite place to stop for breakfast. It was crowded and our very sweet waitress had difficulty with our order. After we got the order straight, the woman in the booth in front of us began a bit of friendly conversation. “I think these two ladies are new…” She said referring to the two waitresses in a sweet southern accent. “What we usually do is order the adult breakfast and split it in half for the kids. It’s cheaper that way.”
“Thanks,” we said—wishing she had butted in a few minutes sooner. We could have saved $3.00. She then began to tell us how they had to get home to finish putting up their Christmas decorations. “Y’all have good evening,” she said as she left the restaurant.

My husband decided to suggest to our waitress that she tell future customers it may be more cost-effective for them to order the adult meal for the children share. To my surprise, she welcomed this piece of advice. “Oh, I sure will! That makes a lot of sense. Thank you!” I couldn’t help but think, “I don’t know how well received that piece of advice would have been where we’re from.” But once again, that was that sweet southern hospitality showing through.

Thanksgiving morning our family made a run to the store—15 miles outside of town— to pick up a few things for the next phase of our road trip. While in the grocery isle, a friendly gentleman stops to give a compliment. “What a handsome family you have there.”
“Thank you,” my husband replied. A minute later he returns with his sister and his preteen daughter.
“I just had to let her see this family and this cute little baby…You don’t sound like you’re from ‘round here,” the man said.
“No. We’re from Detroit. We’re here visiting our grandparents.”
“Oh, who are they?” Well, as fate would have it, my husband was actually a distant relative of this gentleman—and his 17 other siblings.

Now I was shopping down another isle while this conversation transpired and when I turned into the isle a woman I’d never seen before was headed toward me with a big friendly smile and outstretched arms. “We’re kinfolk!” She exclaimed as she extended her arms and kissed my cheek. Before I could compose myself I was greeted with another big hug by her preteen niece. We had our own little reunion next to the bottled water.

We left the store to return to our Great Aunt’s home for a Thanksgiving meal of grand proportions—three turkeys, deer, fish and all the traditional trimmings—served in a grand foyer set with fine china and glassware for forty people. Now that’s hospitable! After dinner, Cousin Johnson invited us over so that the children could feed the chickens and watch him make syrup from sugar cane.

Once back on the road I said to my husband, “boy, folks sure are friendly down here—few handshakes—lots of hugs and kisses. And everyone says, “hello.” While it may have caught me a little off-guard, it was pleasant. Folks seem a lot more trusting.

I consider myself a very friendly individual. However, I realize that my “friendliness” is probably tempered by my northern upbringing. I began to wonder how different our nation would be if more people were warm, courteous and reached out to one another more. I think it would be a much better place. I see now that I may be pretty friendly for a northerner, but I’ve got a ways to go to compete with genuine southern hospitality.

Copyright ©2004 by Anita S. Lane

The Prenatal Industry Needs to Get a Clue!

by Anita S. Lane

Aah…Ladies, remember daydreaming about your first child? Remember wondering what it would be like to have a precious little baby blossoming in your womb—decorating the nursery and anticipating the miracle of childbirth? Remember your first prenatal visit? If it was anything like mine, you walked out with a bag full of flyers, pamphlets, magazines, coupons, prenatal vitamin samples and helpful articles to help you prepare for your big day.

In my bag was a blue folder with information from Obstetrician-Gynecologists and other specialists that included advice like, “take your vitamins…get plenty of rest…take frequent naps…pamper yourself” and “put your feet up to avoid swelling later in pregnancy.” Admonishments for after childbirth included things like, “nap while the baby naps,” and “the dishes can wait…”

Nine months after the birth of my first child I was back at the OBGYN for my first prenatal visit…for my second child. I walked out with a bag full of flyers, pamphlets, magazines, coupons, prenatal vitamin samples and a blue folder with helpful articles to help me prepare for my big day. Almost two years later I again went to the OBGYN for my first prenatal visit…for my third child. Ironically, I walked out with a bag full of –you know what I’m about to say—as well as a blue folder with the same “helpful” articles to help me prepare for my big day.

Okay, a refresher course in preparing for a newborn is always in order. But five months after the birth of my third child I was back at the OBGYN for my first prenatal visit…for my fourth child. Almost to my dismay, I walked out with a bag full of flyers, pamphlets, magazines, coupons, prenatal vitamin samples, and once again… a blue folder with supposedly “helpful” articles to help me prepare for my big day.

As I sifted through those familiar articles that admonished me to “get plenty of rest…take frequent naps…pamper yourself…put your feet up…nap while the baby naps,” and “the dishes can wait…” This time I thought to myself. “ARE YOU CRAZY? Is this some kind of cruel joke?” When am I supposed to get plenty of rest with two toddlers and an infant who doesn’t yet sleep through the night? How am I supposed to pamper myself without extensive planning and an affordable—or better yet—free babysitter? How am I supposed to put my feet up while washing dishes, sweeping, cooking and chasing after a 10 month-old who just learned to walk? How can I nap with my new baby when the other three children need to be fed, and driven to ballet, piano and soccer? And just how long can the dishes wait…a week? Somebody give these folks a reality check.

So now that I’m preparing for baby number four I’m now questioning all of the warm and fuzzy advice given for pregnancy number one. Were all of the specialists’ recommendations really necessary for a happy, healthy mom and baby? From my sake I sure hope not! Their advice may be ideal, but it’s not realistic.

I know the well-meaning physicians, nurses and other specialists in the prenatal field really want to help new moms prepare for and adjust to their new lives. But do moms like me a favor and insert a pamphlet with practical advice for mothers having baby number two and beyond—a pamphlet that recognizes and understands that once you have more than one child you typically no longer have the luxury of time and focus you had with your first child. Beyond baby number one the world is a very different place and the prenatal industry needs to get a clue!

Copyright ©2004 by Anita S. Lane