A Lesson in Southern Hospitality!

by Anita S. Lane

I know the South has its history. But on a recent trip to my husband’s family homestead in a small town in southern Georgia, I saw none of the dark side I’ve read and heard about in times past. I was struck by the common courtesy and pleasantries extended by most everyone we encountered.

Our first stop inside the Peach Tree state was at the Waffle House—my favorite place to stop for breakfast. It was crowded and our very sweet waitress had difficulty with our order. After we got the order straight, the woman in the booth in front of us began a bit of friendly conversation. “I think these two ladies are new…” She said referring to the two waitresses in a sweet southern accent. “What we usually do is order the adult breakfast and split it in half for the kids. It’s cheaper that way.”
“Thanks,” we said—wishing she had butted in a few minutes sooner. We could have saved $3.00. She then began to tell us how they had to get home to finish putting up their Christmas decorations. “Y’all have good evening,” she said as she left the restaurant.

My husband decided to suggest to our waitress that she tell future customers it may be more cost-effective for them to order the adult meal for the children share. To my surprise, she welcomed this piece of advice. “Oh, I sure will! That makes a lot of sense. Thank you!” I couldn’t help but think, “I don’t know how well received that piece of advice would have been where we’re from.” But once again, that was that sweet southern hospitality showing through.

Thanksgiving morning our family made a run to the store—15 miles outside of town— to pick up a few things for the next phase of our road trip. While in the grocery isle, a friendly gentleman stops to give a compliment. “What a handsome family you have there.”
“Thank you,” my husband replied. A minute later he returns with his sister and his preteen daughter.
“I just had to let her see this family and this cute little baby…You don’t sound like you’re from ‘round here,” the man said.
“No. We’re from Detroit. We’re here visiting our grandparents.”
“Oh, who are they?” Well, as fate would have it, my husband was actually a distant relative of this gentleman—and his 17 other siblings.

Now I was shopping down another isle while this conversation transpired and when I turned into the isle a woman I’d never seen before was headed toward me with a big friendly smile and outstretched arms. “We’re kinfolk!” She exclaimed as she extended her arms and kissed my cheek. Before I could compose myself I was greeted with another big hug by her preteen niece. We had our own little reunion next to the bottled water.

We left the store to return to our Great Aunt’s home for a Thanksgiving meal of grand proportions—three turkeys, deer, fish and all the traditional trimmings—served in a grand foyer set with fine china and glassware for forty people. Now that’s hospitable! After dinner, Cousin Johnson invited us over so that the children could feed the chickens and watch him make syrup from sugar cane.

Once back on the road I said to my husband, “boy, folks sure are friendly down here—few handshakes—lots of hugs and kisses. And everyone says, “hello.” While it may have caught me a little off-guard, it was pleasant. Folks seem a lot more trusting.

I consider myself a very friendly individual. However, I realize that my “friendliness” is probably tempered by my northern upbringing. I began to wonder how different our nation would be if more people were warm, courteous and reached out to one another more. I think it would be a much better place. I see now that I may be pretty friendly for a northerner, but I’ve got a ways to go to compete with genuine southern hospitality.

Copyright ©2004 by Anita S. Lane

The Prenatal Industry Needs to Get a Clue!

by Anita S. Lane

Aah…Ladies, remember daydreaming about your first child? Remember wondering what it would be like to have a precious little baby blossoming in your womb—decorating the nursery and anticipating the miracle of childbirth? Remember your first prenatal visit? If it was anything like mine, you walked out with a bag full of flyers, pamphlets, magazines, coupons, prenatal vitamin samples and helpful articles to help you prepare for your big day.

In my bag was a blue folder with information from Obstetrician-Gynecologists and other specialists that included advice like, “take your vitamins…get plenty of rest…take frequent naps…pamper yourself” and “put your feet up to avoid swelling later in pregnancy.” Admonishments for after childbirth included things like, “nap while the baby naps,” and “the dishes can wait…”

Nine months after the birth of my first child I was back at the OBGYN for my first prenatal visit…for my second child. I walked out with a bag full of flyers, pamphlets, magazines, coupons, prenatal vitamin samples and a blue folder with helpful articles to help me prepare for my big day. Almost two years later I again went to the OBGYN for my first prenatal visit…for my third child. Ironically, I walked out with a bag full of –you know what I’m about to say—as well as a blue folder with the same “helpful” articles to help me prepare for my big day.

Okay, a refresher course in preparing for a newborn is always in order. But five months after the birth of my third child I was back at the OBGYN for my first prenatal visit…for my fourth child. Almost to my dismay, I walked out with a bag full of flyers, pamphlets, magazines, coupons, prenatal vitamin samples, and once again… a blue folder with supposedly “helpful” articles to help me prepare for my big day.

As I sifted through those familiar articles that admonished me to “get plenty of rest…take frequent naps…pamper yourself…put your feet up…nap while the baby naps,” and “the dishes can wait…” This time I thought to myself. “ARE YOU CRAZY? Is this some kind of cruel joke?” When am I supposed to get plenty of rest with two toddlers and an infant who doesn’t yet sleep through the night? How am I supposed to pamper myself without extensive planning and an affordable—or better yet—free babysitter? How am I supposed to put my feet up while washing dishes, sweeping, cooking and chasing after a 10 month-old who just learned to walk? How can I nap with my new baby when the other three children need to be fed, and driven to ballet, piano and soccer? And just how long can the dishes wait…a week? Somebody give these folks a reality check.

So now that I’m preparing for baby number four I’m now questioning all of the warm and fuzzy advice given for pregnancy number one. Were all of the specialists’ recommendations really necessary for a happy, healthy mom and baby? From my sake I sure hope not! Their advice may be ideal, but it’s not realistic.

I know the well-meaning physicians, nurses and other specialists in the prenatal field really want to help new moms prepare for and adjust to their new lives. But do moms like me a favor and insert a pamphlet with practical advice for mothers having baby number two and beyond—a pamphlet that recognizes and understands that once you have more than one child you typically no longer have the luxury of time and focus you had with your first child. Beyond baby number one the world is a very different place and the prenatal industry needs to get a clue!

Copyright ©2004 by Anita S. Lane

Chocolate, Cigarettes and Christmas Music—Americans Find Ways to Cope with Stress

by Anita S. Lane

I woke up this morning to two interesting news reports on how Americans are currently dealing with stress. A University of Michigan report found that Americans are increasingly turning to comfort foods such as chocolate and candy bars, as well as cigarettes to “help them deal with stress.”

In a separate news paper article, I learned that radio stations are moving to a Christmas music format sooner this year in order to help ease the stress and bring “happy” feelings to listeners. One radio station in Detroit has been playing around-the-clock Christmas music since November 5th this year—and the feedback is very merry. The VP of programming at the station said, “the positive feedback outweighs the negative 10 to one…As crazy as things have gotten, they’re ready for warm, happy feeling as soon as they can get them.”

I can identify with both reports. My husband ran into a friend of ours a week ago whom we hadn’t seen in a while. To my husband’s surprise, he was smoking a cigarette. “I thought you quit four years ago,” my husband said. “Stress, man…stress,” was this friend’s reply.

At the same time, longing for those extra-warm and fuzzy, cheery feelings the Christmas season brings, my five year-old daughter has been playing around-the-clock Christmas music in her room since the day her 10 month-old brother pulled a Christmas CD off the shelf the first week in November. “Christmas is almost here, Mommy. Ooh…I can’t wait!”

The reality is that stress is a fact of life with which every person must cope. And there’s nothing wrong with a crutch. We use crutches everyday to help heal from a strained muscle or broken bone. So what’s wrong with using a “crutch” while we heal from emotional pain? We just need to make sure our crutch is healthy and beneficial for us overall.

This year, over 100 radio stations across the nation will go to an all-Christmas format by early December. The radio industry has learned first-hand that playing Christmas music helps individuals feel happy and more peace and good will toward men. That’s great. Now if only we in the Christian community can get people to accept the Christ in Christmas, people can rely less on chocolate and cigarettes and experience the inner joy and peace that Christ offers all year long.

Copyright ©2004 by Anita S. Lane

A Hard-learned Lesson: The Democratic Party Cannot Afford to Undervalue Traditional American Values

by Anita S. Lane

On Tuesday November 2, 2004, nearly 120 million men and women, young and old, stood in line for hours to cast their vote. The President of the United States received the largest number of popular votes in the history of this nation. Republicans retained the House and gained four seats in the Senate. Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle lost his reelection bid to Republican challenger John Thune—the first Minority Leader in history to ever lose reelection. Eleven states voted to amend their constitutions to define marriage as being only between a man and woman. All eleven measures passed with a clear majority.

Four years later many in the nation are still reeling from the debacle of the 2000 Presidential election. Many of these individuals feel President Bush’s win was illegitimate. Yet this time around President Bush wins a clear majority—not large, but decisive. What happened? Why did the nation come out and support whom many believe was a President crowned illegitimately?

You may not want to accept it, nor may you like it but it’s called values. Traditional ones, I might add. In a surprise to most of the major media, exit polls showed that the number one issue for voters was “moral values” (21%) followed by “the economy” (20%) and “terrorism” (18%). But the popular media didn’t see that coming. It appears not many of the political pundits placed much value on the nation’s core values—no one but those in the Bush camp. (Source: MSNBC News).

Many criticize the Bush campaign for stirring up division and playing to the “fears” of conservatives and evangelicals who are opposed to partial birth abortion and gay marriage. But is it merely these individual’s fears that drove them to the polls or could it be their faith? Is it possible these individuals actually read and believe the Bible when it says “male and female He created them,” and “thou shall not kill?” even if it is a baby in the womb? Is it possible these individuals feel that God holds them accountable for their actions—even for the way they vote? If so, then it’s possible that it is their faith that led them to the polls, not fear.

Unfortunately for America, it appears as though the Democratic Party as been taken hostage by high profile, out-of-the mainstream groups that don’t hold nor really respect traditional American values. And as an individual who likes having quality choices at the voting booth--not just the lesser of two evils--this is disheartening.

I heard one life-long, politically involved Democrat say that there was a time when Americans held the same core values and elections were decided upon a candidate’s vision for the economy and other social, domestic and foreign issues. Not anymore.

Maybe next election—if they want to win, Democrats will be smart not to undervalue traditional American values.

Copyright ©2004 by Anita S. Lane