Thursday, November 24, 2005

An Ode to Mom

A lesson in loving, forgiving, forgetting and moving on
by Anita S. Lane

As my mother’s birthday approaches, I think about her life and her legacy to me. Undeniably, one of the most important lessons in life I’ve learned and that I’m still learning from her is the lesson in loving, forgiving, forgetting and moving on.

My mother has an incredible capacity for unconditional love and a unique ability to get along with others who are unlike herself. She truly is no respecter of persons. This has been a phenomenal lesson for me. Throughout different seasons of her life, some of my mother’s closest friends—or at least individuals with whom she would spend quality time—were individuals that quite often, baffled me. In addition to her regular core group of “girlfriends” my mother has always seemed to find time to befriend individuals with hardships (whom others would conveniently ignore) or individuals who are wonderful and loving, yet slightly impaired.

While I was growing up, this meant lending a ride to a woman and her children who didn’t have a car; picking up a sister for church who may not drive; rounding up food, clothing and toys for a young woman and her family; involving those with few family or friends into our daily lives; and introducing newcomers to family gatherings and holiday meals. Most of all, I believe my mother’s most important role for the friends in her life is being there—when they need her most—with a listening ear, a compassionate heart and an encouraging word.

Of all the lessons I’ve learned from my mother, the one in loving is fundamental; but that’s not all. Because adjacent to the act of loving is the crucial act of forgiving. You cannot have true love without forgiveness. You see, life is all about love. It’s one long, love journey. Ideally we are born out of love. And once we are born, instantly we are born into love—whether it’s birth parents, adoptive parents, friends or guardians. Then as we grow, we are part of a family where we experience the love of siblings, extended family and community.

All the while, we’re learning what love is really all about and how to manage this—the most powerful emotion in the universe. And along the journey of love we encounter other travelers. If we’re fortunate we will meet great travel buddies and find life-long road companions, but we will also experience many near misses, fender-benders, and a few collisions with almost fatal repercussions.

At issue is not whether we will have such encounters but how we handle them. And learning to forgive is fundamental. In an incredible show of strength and resilience, my mother has demonstrated how to forgive, forget and move on. In forgiving, she’s shown me that you don’t have to wait on the offender to admit his or her wrong; you must simply choose to forgive. In forgetting, she’s demonstrated that you cannot harbor anger, hatred or bitterness, nor hang on to harm done to you; you must let it go and get on with the business of life. And in moving on, she’s proven that you cannot get stuck in the “ugly” that transpired in the past; there is too much beauty in your future.

Loving, forgiving, forgetting and moving on—all prerequisites to obtaining a valid driver’s license for the road of life’s long, love journey. And I am so grateful for a mother who has blessed me with a wonderful example and who has taught me by her life, how to live by these principles. As an adult, these lessons mean so much more to me than they ever did when I was a child. And I know that without the incredible example I have in my mother, I would not be the woman I am today.

For true love is not found in getting, but in giving; and the true test of love is not merely in sharing, but in forgiving. And the relationships God blesses us with along life’s journey are worth preserving—at all costs. The word of God instructs us to seek peace and pursue it. Surely, as we travel along life’s long, love journey, we’re presented each day with an opportunity to seek and pursue peace. And if we want to successfully reach our ultimate destination, we must take these fundamental “driver’s” lessons to heart.


Copyright ©2005 by Anita S. Lane
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